he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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