Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
