yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
