No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
