last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
