I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
