i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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