If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
