I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dignity is for republicans.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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