no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
