you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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