I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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