Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
did you just send me my own nude
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
