I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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