and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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