remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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