They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I faked an abortion last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
