he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
