Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
