i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We left the knife in your bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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