I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Acid is not a monday night drug
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
