Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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