So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
