i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
