Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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