Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
