Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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