id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
