My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
