She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
