break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
