Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
