He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
