no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
