my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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