I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
