I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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