i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
