The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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