Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
