we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
