Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
