Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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