I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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