My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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