i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
