Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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