so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
