If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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