My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
